Hope is like a road in the country: there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Hatch a dream and then believe it.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation.

We don't love to be loved; we love to love.

When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.

Touch is the most fundamental sense.

A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long after he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it.

Keep your children short on pocket money - but long on hugs.

Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.

What do you take me for, an idiot? A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves.

Its eternal goal is life.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

When love is not madness, it is not love.

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.

Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.

Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.

You can widen your life by yourself, but to deepen it you need a friend.

Each encounter that becomes a friendship turns into a lifeline.

One can never have too many, only too many to properly take care of.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Love is the beauty of the soul.

Can miles truly separate you from friends...

If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

All love shifts and changes.

I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.

Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.

Logic is in the eye of the logician.Touch is the most fundamental sense.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I begin by taking.

I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

This book fills a much-needed gap.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.

The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.

Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate.

Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Questions you have to ask....

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something g new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you!!

Bumper Stickers

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
• She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  

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